De kinderen vermoorden me!

Wij hebben een konijn in de tuin. pablo-375

Niet mijn keus. De tuin is al geen park en konijn neemt met hok plus aangebouwde ren (stiekem neergezet tijdens weekendje London met vriendinnen, the nerve!) minstens een derde in beslag.

Eerst waren er zelfs twee. ‘Anders is het zo zielig’. Niet dus. Snuffie en Coco (Snuf en Coke, grapje van mijn broer, haha -not) waren enemies from the start. Snuf werd twee maanden oud. Doodsoorzaak: Coke. Na twee maanden pure torture heeft Snuf van ellende het loodje gelegd. Oké, niet bevestigd door de dierenarts, maar ik ben ervan overtuigd.

Derde konijn Witpoot binnengehaald. Na twee dagen een EXTRA hok, anders had Coke nog een soortgenoot vermoord. Gelukkig (voor mij) bleef het tweede hok niet lang staan. Witpoot is van eenzaamheid of (mijn mening) stress-door-Coke-op-afstand overleden.

Nu komt er dus geen konijn meer binnen. Maar Coco is voorlopig nog niet dood. Die heeft het nu op mij gemunt.

Soms laat verloofde konijn ’s middags los in de door gaas omheinde tuin (halve kinderboerderij intussen, moet niet gekker worden) om haar ’s avonds weer terug te stoppen. Ik doe NIETS. Geen verzorging, en vooral geen geknuffel. Dat is een hele DUIDELIJKE afspraak, waar het HELE gezin mee ingestemd heeft.

Nou dacht jongste vanmorgen grappig te zijn door konijn los te laten, terwijl VERLOOFDE IN BUITENLAND ZIT!

Het is bedtijd en Coco huppelt nog rond in de tuin. De kinderen weigeren te gaan slapen. Onder dwang beloof ik haar veilig terug te stoppen in haar veel te luxe buitenverblijf.

Gewapend met twee dikke ovenhandschoenen loop ik de tuin in. Waar is dat kleine mormel? Mijn hart begint een klein vreugdedansje. Is ze dan eindelijk weggelopen? Maar dan zie ik drie huilende koppies voor me. Foei, slechte mama. Ik zoek verder.

Maar ze is er echt niet. Ze is weg!

Oh nee, de kinderen vermoorden me morgen.

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Auteur: Renske Kaldewaij

Ella Ebeling is de creatie van schrijver en journalist Renske Kaldewaij. Net als Ella is Renske 38 jaar oud, ruim zeven jaar verloofd en moeder van drie kinderen. De verhalen zijn deels autobiografisch, deels verzonnen.

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