Hysterics At the Till

Saturday Morning. Rain. Supermarket. A combination of all three is a disaster in the making.
Firstly, on arrival, there is no parking place. I had not expected anything else so drive calmly round and round three-times, after which I find a space. The next challenge is to find a trolley. Unexpectedly today, this is relatively easy. The next and possibly the biggest challenge is the shopping itself. Today, the old folks content with a walking pace of 100 metres per hour are out in full-force. But I do my best. I race zig-zagging through the aisles, throwing things in as I go. Now and again, in a strategically placed spot, I park up the trolley and make short sprints around the store, stretching and grabbing – the ultimate supermarket sweep. Excellent technique. Fast and effective. I can recommend this to everyone.


So I leave my trolley parked up in prime positions a few more times and whizz around grabbing my last few items. Meanwhile proudly waving with my shopping list (I feel like an actual housewife) and giving apologetic smiles for the oldies that I nearly knock over.
Proudly waving with my shopping list ( I feel like an actual housewife) and giving apologetic smiles to the oldies that I nearly knock over. Dale Winton would be so impressed with such artistry, such a speedy and skilled performance.

After the final sprint, I proceed to the tills, panting. Not long now and I can relax on the sofa with a coffee. Deep in my thoughts of freshly-ground coffee and biscuits I unload the contents of the trolley onto the conveyor belt.

I smile to the cashier and look back a little alarmed into the depths of my trolley. The last things I unloaded were mine, but these groceries – I don’t remember choosing them.

A bad feeling comes over me, a really bad feeling. Oh no, Oh no, OH NO!!!!! I haven’t have I? Oh no……

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Auteur: Renske Kaldewaij
Ella Ebeling is de creatie van schrijver en journalist Renske Kaldewaij. Net als Ella is Renske 38 jaar oud, ruim zeven jaar verloofd en moeder van drie kinderen. De verhalen zijn deels autobiografisch, deels verzonnen. Benieuwd naar meer van mijn werk? / Email Renske

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